Ahhhh, relationships. That most fraught territory in the realm of human experience. That place where we crash and burn, where we are lifted up into a bliss and connection beyond our conscious mind’s capacity … and where we are smashed into the earth with a velocity that often leaves us bloody and broken, whimpering into the abyss.
Lately, I’ve been thinking more and more about my “stated” desire to get into a relationship and the uncomfortable truth underneath it: there are reasons I dread getting into one, too.
I figured I’d apply the same tried-and-true pro and con list thing to this knotty issue, just as I have to more minor problems like whether to take a certain apartment or pick a certain school.
Without further ado, here are my top 10 reasons for and against getting into a relationship:
- The isolation and despair and grief and inevitable disappointment I will feel when you let me down, since you are human and I am human and we are most definitely going to fuck up sometimes
- Dealing with morning breath (yours or mine)
- The feeling of being boxed in, like I’ll never be able to be truly free or expressed with respect to my sexuality again
- The anxiety of wondering when or if you’ll text
- The anxiety of wondering whether you’ll cheat on me
- The crushing heartbreak that will happen if/when you shut down or turn away from me
- The fear of losing hold of my practices (like morning journaling) because you will always around and I won’t be strong enough to hold my boundaries
- Feeling inhibited at parties because if I’m too flirty, you’ll be angry with me and give me the silent treatment in the car ride home instead of addressing it directly
- The resurfacing of core wounds and issues. Yeah, they come up to be resolved but right before they’re resolved they HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER and isn’t it also true that some of them never go away?
- Because what if I go on a vacation and meet a really cute guy and can’t hook up with him (not even a little bit) because I’m committed to you?
- Cuddling. Regular spooning. Spooning that leads to sex. Sex in general
- Looking at you from across the room knowing you’re thinking the same thing I am and smiling at how much fun we’re going to have debriefing this moment later
- Smart, funny, witty text banter. Inside jokes. Sending and receiving #relationshipgoals memes with someone with whom I’m actually in a relationship
- You coming up behind me in the kitchen and nuzzling my neck, rubbing against me and getting me hot and wet
- Holding hands fingers intertwined. Affection and attention and being noticed and responded to and cared for
- The way you pull me in tight when we’re having a fight and we’ve gotten to that point where we’re stuck
- The closeness of “I’m thinking about you” “I’m thinking about you too”
- Looking around at a sea of men and thinking, “None of you is as good in bed as my man. It’s not even worth it.”
- Learning how it feels to have conflict and then actually resolve it, becoming stronger and more resilient as a team
- Because it’s one of life’s very greatest offerings
- Finally having a wedding date I actually want to bang
What’s on your list?