Ahhh, the conundrum: Your partner does something you don’t like but you don’t know how to say so, so you just let it ride (and resentment builds). Or there’s something you do want from her … but you don’t know how to say it.
This can also sound like, “How do I tell my partner I want something without seeming demanding?” or, “How do I share my needs without being needy?” or, “How do I tell her [something hard] without pissing her off, or having her feeling judged??”
Real talk: Most of us didn’t have healthy communication role-modeled to us in our family of origin. So when these kinds of things happen, we don’t know what to say:
- Your dating partner wants to hang out this Friday evening, but you want alone time
- You want to try something new in sex with your wife, but have no idea how to bring it up
- Your woman partner is going through a hard time and has been leaning on you a lot, and you need a break
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The good news? This is doable. You can learn how to communicate your needs skillfully in relationship, and it makes all the difference. Whether it’s about sex, dating, or a relationship issue, the freedom to bring up and hold space for challenging subjects is not only deeply masculine, but of deep service in the world.
Memorable quotes from this episode:
- “I guess I’ll just tolerate it.”
- “Under every complaint is a desire.”
- “Sharing desire is inherently vulnerable.”
- “We have to teach our partners how to love us.”